So I'm 25 today. Officially at like...7:01 PM...or something like that. I'll have to ask mom to be sure, I could have that completely off.
I don't feel any different. Just the same me I've felt like for the last 2 or 3 years, give or take.
This morning, on my 25th birthday, I woke up thinking that I want electric blue in my hair. I may make that happen Tuesday. I also started thinking about this here world we live in.
I guess these are weird thoughts to be having on one's birthday but eh, after about 17 I kinda stopped liking birthdays so...it really just feels like any other day except cake is involved. And anyway, we're celebrating tomorrow instead of today.
But I digress. After thinking about blue hair, I started thinking about the world, again. And I've been thinking about it a lot lately. You know, I just don't get it. I think I must've been born into the wrong era. I belong back in the day somewhere. Not in 2012. My morals, my desires...they just don't match up with the American standard I'm surrounded with. Or the Earth standard I'm surrounded with, even.
It gets me down, man.
I can't help but wonder what happened to integrity. ...wait this is a Goldfinger song. Yes--Spokesman by Goldfinger. Anyway. What happened to the idea that people need to think about other people more often than themselves? What is SO bad about trying to make other people happy, especially those you love? I'm sick and tired of seeing nothing but selfishness in people. I'm tired of seeing and hearing about people cheating on their spouses. I'm angry at the fact that people can't do things for others without being told or wanting something in return. I've about had it up to here with women who dress and act the way they think men want them to because sex sells and they don't respect themselves more than that. (these are just examples of things I'm baffled by and fed up with.)
And there's nothing I can do about it. Except hate it all and wish the world would wake up and be better.
Sometimes it feels like I (and maybe a few others) am the only one who strives for betterness. I'm not saying I'm perfect or have all the answers--I wish--but if there's one thing I can say...it's that I TRY really hard to be a better person than I am at a base level. To think and care about other people rather than just myself and go to great lengths to make those I love happy if that's what it takes.
On my 25th birthday...I wish that people would just try harder. and care.
On my 25th birthday...I just keep thinking how I'd like to pull a Walden Pond experience and just get away from the oppressiveness I feel from the world around me most of the time. Get back to the basics and live like humans were intended to live. And really LIVE! Have real experiences. Not just..."do what you do to get by" to quote Against Me!
On my 25th birthday...I wonder if anybody else sees the world like this and is with me.
On my 25th birthday...I wonder what I can do to make the world I don't fit in a little bit nicer place or if there's anything I can do to make a difference.
I'm not depressed about it. I'm just thinking. And wishing the world wasn't so...jaded. Or...maybe that I would be less jaded about the world. Or both.
I'm 25. And I just wanna feel like I'm getting the most out of life. And sometimes I really do feel that way. And I need to figure out how to fill up my life with really LIVING. and loving. And caring.
It seems most people value the fact that they don't care about anything. They think it makes them free.
....I disagree. I think it traps you inside yourself. Because what you really care about when you don't care about "anything" is you and only you. And that's living inside a tight, suffocating bubble.
And I refuse.
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