One Day by Matisyahu

Sometimes I lay under the moon and thank God I'm breathing then I pray don't take me soon cause I am here for a reason sometimes in my tears I drown but I never let it get me down so when negativity surrounds I know some day it'll all turn around because all my life I've been waiting for I've been praying for for the people to say that we don't wanna fight no more they'll be no more wars and our children will play one day it's not about win or lose cause we all lose when they feed on the souls of the innocent blood drenched pavement keep on moving though the waters stay raging in this maze you can lose your way (your way) it might drive you crazy but don't let it faze you no way (no way) sometimes in my tears I drown but I never let it get me down so when negativity surrounds I know some day it'll all turn around because all my life I've been waiting for I've been praying for for the people to say that we don't wanna fight no more they'll be no more wars and our children will play one day one day this all will change treat people the same stop with the violence down with the hate one day we'll all be free and proud to be under the same sun singing songs of freedom like one day all my life I've been waiting for I've been praying for for the people to say that we don't wanna fight no more they'll be no more wars and our children will play one day

Road To....?

"Can you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't much care where--" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"--So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "If only you walk long enough."

Alice felt that this could not be denied.

Wise Cat. That's always been my favorite part of Alice in Wonderland, where the Cat gives her such matter of fact advice.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on this road to nowhere. Stuck in the middle of nothing and nothing.

I floundered around in art school for 5 years thinking there was nothing else I was good at, nothing else I'd rather be doing really. I worked my ass off for a degree in photography and printmaking, both things that I absolutely love, but also not things that I can make a career out of (easily at least). I never went into art school with the intention of being a famous artist. I just wanted to learn how to harness my creativity and expand my knowledge of different processes (which was honestly zilch when I started...I definitely started from scratch coming from a tiny school system like ours).

My mom asks me a lot what I thought I would do with an art degree, what my intentions were upon entering college. "I don't know." Is always my answer. How are you supposed to know at 18 what you want to do with the rest of your life? ...How do you know at age 23?

I will never suggest to anyone that they go to college right after high school. Nor will I ever suggest to anyone that they go to a University over a community college or trade school. University is fine I guess...but it doesn't seem to have done me a whole lot of good. It developed my character, I guess but...I figure I would've got here either way.

And I know, I know--things work out the way they do for a reason (I honestly believe that. I've seen it happen too many times not to believe it). But it's never easy, when the future is foggy, to sit back and say that it'll all work out peachy keen. It's like driving on some mountain road in fog at night without any lines painted on it and no other cars--there are most definitely rocks ahead...you just don't know when you might hit them or how close you'll come to hitting them until you're right up on them. By then, it's probably too late. And a deer is probably going to leap out in front of you at some point also. Guess the only option is to keep your eyes peeled and go slow, right? So you go over the rocks easy and you hopefully stop before you hit the deer.

I want to get into the photography business. I think taking photos of people, for people--to document a time in their lives or their just being on the planet in general...that's pretty respectable. And I'm good at it. And I know how to do it. And I like it.

It's just the getting there. And the "where do i start!?"

I feel that I must be brave about this. Take a deep breath and dive in. It'll happen when I'm ready for it to, I know that...I've never been the type to jump off the high dive without freaking out first. Or...any diving board in general, really. I'll climb up, look down at the water. Stick my toe in to see how cold it is. Probably step back and almost start running, stopping short of the edge. Backing up, hands on rails. Deep breath. ...Another deep breath...And then when I'm as ready as I'll ever be-- take a running leap in.

I guess I'll just have to wait it out. It might be easier to jump in if I didn't have a two week trip planned for the summer/a month that I really want to spend with my boyfriend (things'd be a little different if he wasn't an ocean and some countries away from me. But that time is important and I'm not going to let anything, stand in the way of that). It seems kind of silly to start a new job before that--I don't see it going over very well when I tell them I need two weeks off when I only started a few months before. And like I said, I have it worked out now to where I can spend that time with Noah...and I definitely like that idea. Time is time...it's not like I don't have a job right now...I do. It's not a great job but it's not horrible and it pays the bills. Barely--but it pays them. Things could be worse.

And things will work out. Just have to be patient and let it all fall how it will. No sense in fighting it or worrying it to death.

Hello Spring! I missed you, so!

So this morning I woke up at 4:30 AM...not on purpose. I ended up going up to the parkway and going for a short run around 8. It was nice--nobody out up there, just me and the woods and the ground under my feet.
I'm not a good runner. It's not my legs, it's my lungs that give me trouble. Gotten better since I started riding the bike but I've still got a lot of work to do before I even consider myself a runner at all.
Think I'm going to start running before I go into work in the mornings, the days I go in at 11 anyway. Just up and down my road a few times. Hopefully I can make that happen. I hate waking up earlier than normal but...oh well. It'll be worth it.
My arm workouts are starting to pay off, I think. Seem to be getting a little more toned. Slowly but surely. I never thought I'd ever like arm workouts...but I've gotten to the point where I look forward to coming home and having that time. Same with the bike...and I guess if I keep at it running will take on that same appeal.
At any rate spring is making me feel better in general I think. I was way over winter and spring is my favorite.

Bread!

Had myself a baking day! And combined with the Harry Potter marathon that was on TV all day--I was a pretty happy camper. Honey wheat sandwich bread and cinnamon raisin bagel recipes found here: http://www.budgetbytes.blogspot.com (my favorite recipe site)! It was my first attempt at making bread and my second at bagels. Both turned out good. The picture is my second loaf of bread--the first turned out okay but the crust had to be taken off because the oven in this house is ridiculous and I forgot to turn it down 50 degrees from what the recipe said (yeah--ridiculous). Anyway, if you find yourself with a day you don't have any plans and you like to cook I suggest trying these recipes. There's something pretty relaxing about baking, whatever it is. ...Maybe the fact that you get to eat it afterwards, hah.

Soul and Hands

My soul is a very restless thing. I'm always searching, wondering, analyzing; it pulls me in different directions at once all the time. Or just wants me to GO and DO in general without any idea of what it really wants to do or where to go.
It finds rest when my hands are creating something. To hold something in my hands and create a whole new thing out of something else...that makes me happy, that settles me down when my mind races or my heart pulls in some direction I can't go in at the moment.
Last night I sat down with a ball of yarn and a crochet hook and retaught myself how to crochet. A simple act, and nothing special about it; everything else just kind of took a back seat. I turned on some music and started working on a hat (you know, my need to make mostly functional things). I've realized all this before of course but the reitteration of it is always kind of refreshing to me. Even after a being this way since I was a kid, I can forget what it means to me to create things and then rediscover the meaning in it when I just let it happen naturally.

I can't deny my hands or my soul their very nature -- I'm a builder, a worker, a creator of things.

On another note completely--I found a place that has good, old fashioned basement shows pretty much every weekend here in Boone. FINALLY -- only took me 5 years. Checking it out this friday for a sweet sounding tape release party. Excited!

"My heart is anywhere but here..."

That road stretched out longer than it ever has before. I looked at it, curling on up the mountain and I just dreaded the rest of the trip back up.
My time here is done. My heart is elsewhere--if we're going to get specific, it's with Noah in Afghanistan--my head is elsewhere. Not even the mountains can whisper to me now and convince me to stay any longer than necessary.
My heart certainly isn't in Taylorsville but my body and mind feel more at ease there. It's a little easier being surrounded by family and the familiar when you're trying to make big changes (in this case beginning my photography career...and whatever other job I can find to support the beginnings of said career). So I'm honestly looking forward to going back. I don't plan on staying there forever...but until I figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing it's just the best thing for me to do.
So I guess my logic is--if I can't be where my heart is at the moment--then I at least want to be where my spirit feels more calm. This isn't that place for me.
In fact, I'm not sure this place has ever really been that for me. Maybe for a brief time. But it was so brief that the memory escapes me as to when that may have been.
I'm ready to leave. 3 months from today and I'll be able to do that. And then Noah will be home a few days after my last day of work...and then a month with him--traveling and just being together. I can't wait. And then when he leaves to go back at least I'll be at home where it's easier to deal with the fact that he's not here and be able to busy myself with getting started into photography and getting a better paying job. Just 3 more months....until then I guess I need to find some way to keep my mind busy.

Jellyfish Waters

So as promised (for once) here are some pictures of what I'm working on:

I don't paint often but whenever I do I get pretty into it and like it a lot. This one's for a friend who's moving into a new house--I was actually supposed to get it to her when she moved into her apartment last semester but never finished. So this time I hope to get it done asap as a housewarming gift. Just need to add the smaller tentacles which will bring the piece together a lot more/make it better compositionally, I think. This is really the first time I've worked with acrylic medium (gloss gel in this case) but it looks pretty cool and actually gives it a slimy jellyfish look as well as cool texture in general. I'm using string gel for the other tentacles so that should be interesting as well.

More pictures to come as it progresses!

"The Routine and the Repetition"

Ah, art blog--why haven't I been blogging? There's a simple answer to that--I haven't been doing any art.
Not really, anyway.
A lot has been going on these first few months of 2011. I was/am busy with work, Noah came home on leave for a couple of weeks :), and then I got really sick and am just now kind of back on my feet completely.
But it's not just that stuff--I feel like I've got no inspiration or motivation to do art at the moment. I get home from work and all I really want to do is crash or hang out with friends and my roommates. One of my old professors came in the store and was asking me what was new and of course I had nothing to report but "work and more work, really." He suggested I "just let the transition happen" (from school world to real world). It's been almost a year since graduation--I guess I've been trying to push myself to do art because somehow 5 years of art school left me in this "What do I do in my spare time NOW?!" freak-out-mode.
So I think it's time to chill. I'm taking down the Etsy store for a while and getting away from meticulous processes in art. Photography needs to come back into my life...and maybe just some good sketchbooking--nothing fancy. Just stuff that kind of flows and is easy for me. I keep thinking maybe if I make it fun again the inspiration and motivation will come. Plus, I'd been making books just to sell and something about making art "for sale" just takes something out of it for me. In the future I think I'll be making art first and selling it as an after thought.
Guess we'll see, huh?
At any rate, my goal is to post some pictures by Sunday of the painting I resumed (from a year or so ago) and a couple drawings I've done recently in my sketchbook.
Oh, and I'm considering making this blog a little more personal all around. Not just for art purposes anymore.