Something I hate about army life

Besides the obvious things that are to hate about army life (deployments, mainly). My number one hate about army life? "Friends".

 I feel like a lot of the time "friends" are made out of absolute necessity for the most part. And in that--there's a lot of fakeness. There are only a very few people I've met thus far in my military spouse journey who I'd actually consider friends. Real friends. Everyone else...it's almost parasitic. Clinging until they find their next prey/someone they think they like better. Because of this..and running into it recently...I feel used. Irritated. And more antisocial than usual.

It's a pretty well known fact among those that know me (at least I'm pretty sure it is) that I don't get a long with most women. It usually takes pretty atypical women (lacking in drama, not catty, etc) for me to even consider giving the title of friend to. And if I give you that title...then I'm kind of sunk in building and maintaining a friendship. Something real and deeper than just surface clinginess. And I guess I made the mistake of trying to open up more as my husband is away and...well...I do need some company other than just the dog sometimes. And not being too picky in who I try to be friends with (like I usually am). Not to say I haven't found it in some people here but I've made a mistake in tearing down that wall with at least one person in particular only to regret it now. This doesn't do much for the aforementioned general dislike of my gender. And somehow the bad egg makes a deeper mark than the good ones. Scarring.

I could ramble on more but suffice to say-- Tonight? I miss Noah. And Home. And my real, true friends. I'd give a lot to be sitting at a table full of such genuine, good hearted people--raising a beer together to the knowledge that we've been friends since we met and we always will be (even despite time and distance). My heart aches for THAT sense of belonging. I don't think I realized fully that I had that in my life til the last year and a half. Hindsight--20/20.