There's just nothing for me to sink my teeth in here.
Is that the problem?
All the flavor is just drained out of everything. The colors are more dull. And I feel myself go out of my head on a daily basis trying to make it feel like I don't hate every second.
I'm just wasting time...time, time, time. I've come to hate the clock and the calendar both and yet I'm completely obsessed with each of them. Waiting for it to be over. Wake up and figure out how to whittle down the day until it reaches a decent hour to fall asleep and then I dream and dream, awful things, and wake up and do it again. It all feels the same no matter how much I try to shake it up. Such a waste of time!
Just no stimulation. I can read and watch movies and try to make things, spend hours driving up miles--all the things that used to keep me perfectly satisfied don't do it for me anymore. I can't concentrate.
Like a mental patient, pacing a room...feels that way, most days.
Losing my mind--I'm pretty sure this is what it feels like, and that I am in fact. And it was already pretty far out the door before I found myself with nothing to do.
I have no purpose here.
And perhaps that's the real problem. I am not happy without a purpose. And here I am--with nothing but time and without a reason for anything I do at the moment except just to pass the time.
...