Art stuffs vs life stuffs

Art Stuffs Here: www.musingnerveart.blogspot.com
(art stuff and only art stuff/linked to my etsy)

Life Stuffs Here at this blog. Just separating the two officially. I figure with us getting ready to move this will be a way to update our friends and family, etc.

Baking Time!

:D I love the Thanksgiving and Christmas season because it gives me the perfect excuse to bake as much as I want. I've been pretty busy thus far but I saw this recipe and wanted to try it. Super easy--just 3 tbsp instant chai mix (or 1 whole packet) into a Vanilla Super Moist Cake Mix, prepare like box says and top with cream cheese icing (or vanilla..but I like cream cheese) and sprinkle with cinnamon!

I would probably add an extra tablespoon of chai just because it pretty much tastes like a spice cake and I think it could use an extra kick.

Tasty nonetheless:


(got a little too festive with that middle one, lol. But hey, what are sprinkles for, right?)

Ten Things Tuesday...on Friday: Christmas Wishlist Edition

Ten things I would absolutely love to find under the Christmas tree ;)

1. The "Any Bag" Camera Bag Insert-- turns any bag into a safe place for your camera. I'd really like one of these since I usually carry my camera around in my bookbag when I'm traveling. Plus camera bags are usually pretty clunky and ugly looking so this way I can use a messenger bag or purse if I want!

2. Ah, I guess I'm becoming a real camera freak. I keep finding these fun little quirky cameras and I definitely foresee a collection in my future. Just another kind of experimental 35mm camera with a sweet wide angle--I still love film, there's just something about it that makes it more fun than digital. I love the photos this thing delivers. Ultra wide and slim 35mm.3. The Dreamy Diana Lens for digital cameras (for Canon cameras). I would definitely LOVE to have this. Diana style photos in digital format? Yes, please. I've been wanting a Diana camera with all the fixin's but I think this lens would get me started off really nice. I would really like to be able to utilize this look in actual photo shoots too just to add some really fun shots for clients.

4. I absolutely love this set of prints from Bomobob on Etsy! Great lomography photos :) Think they'd make great wall decor.5.These earrings are awesome! Poppies are my favorite :)

6. haha, okay so it may be a little known fact about me--I'm pretty crazy about lip balm. I would love to have this set! The five flavors I'd pick: Black Plum, Honeysuckle Nectarine, Ginger Peach, Vanilla Coconut, Brown Sugar.
7. 35mm Film Scanning Mask. I could really use one of these. I know it sounds weird to say that I'm shooting film and I want to make it digital...why not just shoot digital...but trust me, it makes a difference. Plus it's cheaper just to get the negatives developed and be able to print them digitally.
8. 120mm Film Scanning Mask. Same deal, just for the medium format film my Holga can take. I'd really like to start shooting this format and being able to scan it into my computer and print myself would allow me to do that more easily until I have a darkroom set up, whenever that may be.

9. 120mm Film for my Holga. This is the stuff I really want to start working with!10. Annnnnd one of these :D

Time to Knit

It's that time of year--a knitting project just seems necessary.
So I'm gonna start working on this tomorrow (Pattern by Pam Powers check out her stuff, she has some lovely patterns) :

Pretty excited!

And also, I think you should listen to this song. It's very sweet :)

Etsy

I think the economy must be having some effect on Etsy sales. This time last year I was selling a lot of books on there...and I haven't really changed the way I do things...so that leads me to believe that people just aren't buying like they were last year. I was reading the forums today and it seems like a lot of other people are having the same issues. Not to mention there are now like..11 million (yes, really) items on Etsy for sale. That's a sea of crafts that my 10 or 11 are floating in.

You know, I make things...that's what I do...but selling them is not, I don't think, my forte. I don't really think it's a matter of people not liking what I sell, per se...it's that I am not a seller--I'm not business minded and I'm not very competitive at all in anything that I do. That's just my nature. I hate charging people a huge amount of money even if it is handmade...eh. I dunno. I don't really think Etsy is my niche. Or online selling, for that matter.
What that means--I don't know, really. My work isn't something I can sell in bulk, you know? There are stores around here that sell the types of things I make but they're consignment, mostly.
Maybe I should look into that again, I dunno. It's just that I get about half the money I want to make off my books at a consignment shop unless I jack the price up sky high. Eh, But maybe worth a try. There's one over in Hickory and I've had people that sell there tell me I should look into it so maybe I should.

Heh, I'm not trying to make a million dollars at this (although that would be just lovely :D). I just make things and they're something to be used by people. I can't make myself a thousand journals. But it's what I like to do. hm.
Craft conundrum.

There's just nothing for me to sink my teeth in here.
Is that the problem?
All the flavor is just drained out of everything. The colors are more dull. And I feel myself go out of my head on a daily basis trying to make it feel like I don't hate every second.
I'm just wasting time...time, time, time. I've come to hate the clock and the calendar both and yet I'm completely obsessed with each of them. Waiting for it to be over. Wake up and figure out how to whittle down the day until it reaches a decent hour to fall asleep and then I dream and dream, awful things, and wake up and do it again. It all feels the same no matter how much I try to shake it up. Such a waste of time!
Just no stimulation. I can read and watch movies and try to make things, spend hours driving up miles--all the things that used to keep me perfectly satisfied don't do it for me anymore. I can't concentrate.
Like a mental patient, pacing a room...feels that way, most days.
Losing my mind--I'm pretty sure this is what it feels like, and that I am in fact. And it was already pretty far out the door before I found myself with nothing to do.
I have no purpose here.
And perhaps that's the real problem. I am not happy without a purpose. And here I am--with nothing but time and without a reason for anything I do at the moment except just to pass the time.
...

Germany!

It's amazing to be here :).
Mostly just getting to spend some much needed time with my wonderful husband. I can't tell you how nice it is just to be around him. He took a four day weekend and we took an awesome trip to Garmisch which has a military family resort. It was beautiful up there--right at the foot of the Alps. We drove through a little of Austria on our way to see Castle Neuschwanstein (the castle Disney modeled Cinderella's castle after).
We wanted to go to Berchtesgaden where Hitler's Eagle Nest is but it was a little too far away for this trip.
Definitely a nice weekend.

It's going to be nice when we don't have to worry about leaving each other again for more than a few weeks--that's for sure. Hopefully it won't seem like that much longer. I honestly can't wait to have a home together. People seem to be kind of discouraging lately saying "oh you're so cute now but just wait til you live together"...eh. I dunno--hearing that stuff a lot recently and it's really getting on my nerves. I know there's no such thing as "perfect", I'm not stupid. But to me saying things like that AND projecting it onto people who are happy--really happy--just means that you're not trying hard enough in your own relationship. I don't see how two people who make an effort to support and be there for each other, to work on the things that are difficult, could ever end up going down a road where they end up hating being around each other. Doesn't add up. I'm not worried about us becoming one of those couples, it's just irritating that people keep telling both of us that, you know?

Ah, but anyway.

I'm definitely enjoying my time here. I'm beyond lucky to have such a great husband and to be able to travel to all these cool places on top of that.

For my first wedding photo shoot I think I did a pretty good job. Got some really good shots. It was a beautiful afternoon and at a nice little spot with a pond. I'll post some pictures after I edit them. After shooting a wedding...I think it's safe to say I can definitely see myself doing wedding photography at some point in my life.
I still feel like there's some stuff I need to study a little more that my education didn't cover well enough :-/ but I guess part of that comes with time and experience. I'd really like to take like one more class on lighting, on location shooting and something on the business of photography--which never got covered at all during my five years of school..somehow (perhaps you can see why my opinion of university education is low...very low. And no, I didn't not-learn those things because I was partying or goofing off--I worked really hard in school...all the more reason I'm a little bitter that after I got out I realized there was still a lot I didn't know). Ah, but oh well.

In other news--the number of days between me and Germany are getting pretty slim! :D A week from tomorrow! I'm soooo excited! It's gonna be a good week. Lots to do with packing and getting ready and then a bridal shower my aunts are having for me and then I'm off!

Things are looking better finally--less than two weeks and I'll be on a plane to Germany. It'll be extremely nice to have my heart and the rest of me in the same place for a bit. Not to long after this trip and I'll be there for good (well..not "for good" but...I'll be living over there).

I have a cold and it sucks.

Hopefully the herbal tea I've been drinking+zicam will patch me up more quickly than it usually takes.

Photographing my first wedding this weekend! Hope it goes well. One of Noah's relatives is getting married and his uncle asked if I would help him photograph. I need the experience for sure so I'm pretty excited.

just let me vent, a minute.

Maybe if i stood on my head and looked at everything that way the world would look better.

I've got a shitty attitude right now. Not helped by the fact that night after night I can't sleep and also that I'm pretty miserable here. It's not being home, it's not living with my parents--it's just that this isn't where my heart is. But there's not much I can do about that right now. I know it does no good to complain but..what the hell else am I supposed to do when that's how I feel?

It'll be over soon. I know that. But I swear to God, it feels like it will never end sometimes. I tried to think back on the past 2 months yesterday and realized they kind of just slipped by me. So time's passing but it doesn't feel like it at all.

I'm trying my best to stay busy. To keep my mind off negative feelings and thoughts. But that's a lot easier said than done. Nobody said it would be easy, right? Well, nobody told me how to keep my sanity either.

Everybody keeps telling me to enjoy the time I have left here...but what's to enjoy when my life is on hold? It's a brand new feeling, not having your life in the same place you are. Not having your heart in your chest or your head able to concentrate on anything else for very long. The only thing that matters to me anymore is Noah. And our life together. ...And I'm not there to be with him or to live it. I'm frustrated and I'm sad. And words can't express how much I can't wait for this being apart bullshit to come to an end.

And there's nothing to do but wait it out. One long, wasted day after another.

...can't sleep ramblings

why the hell am I awake?! This not-sleeping thing has got to end soon. I do not approve...and neither does my health, probably.

I figured this would be longer but...it turns out I have nothing to say. Here's hoping I can finally crash and get some sleep tonight.

Holga

Well, it didn't take me long to get addicted to the Holga camera.
I think this thing's gonna be good for me. It's been a while since I've looked at the world through the eyes of a photographer. I know that sounds weird--it's not like I haven't been taking pictures or anything. But what I mean is--constantly thinking "oh hey, that would be a cool photo." "what if I stand up here, what does that look like?"

My brain needs that sort of exercise. Really takes my mind off things and let's me loose from the hold of my overactive thoughts. Guess it just focuses all that nervous energy on something that can't really be overthought and so it's fun. More's the beauty of this camera: You're not trying to get something perfect (because that's impossible), you have no idea what you're really capturing (you just know you're capturing something), and chances are--it's gonna look sweet when it's developed. A triple win situation.

I sent a roll of film off Saturday so that'll be back soon and I just finished one up tonight..well..kind of botched it I think but...oh well. Not too worried about it. I think tomorrow I might make a playlist and go find somewhere to drive or walk around and just snap away.

House/pet sitting  for the in-laws this weekend! :) It's really nice to have some time to myself. Not that I don't have time to myself at mom and dad's but it's different when there's nobody but you around, I guess. I was thinking about it and it's been like..months..since I've had days at a time to myself. So this is definitely a nice little vacation for me.

It's weird though, usually I feel like I HAVE to be doing something but I've been able to just chill yesterday and today. Slept a lot better too. Like a rock, in fact and that never happens anymore. Maybe it's being around all of Noah's stuff, hah. Definitely makes me feel like he's a little closer, somehow. Guess his presence is just here, you know?

Anyway. Random thought--I really want to learn how to sew. I know how to sew but not that well and I don't do very well with patterns (usually end up wadding them up and throwing them away and going by what I see on the cover...which doesn't work out so well in the way of fitting correctly, usually). I keep thinking about the stuff I saw on Baumholder's website. Granted, we may not even get stationed there...but I'm sure most bases have arts/crafts classes held somewhere. Anyway, one of them was sewing and the other quilting so I think I'm definitely going to try to do that. My grandma was a seamstress forever and a quilt maker. I've always wanted to be good at it and be able to make my own dresses and such (even though fabric is RIDICULOUSLY expensive these days. Which baffles me. If you're doing all the assembly work shouldn't it be cheaper? I mean, that's how it used to be, clearly. And it's nicer because you can make your clothes actually fit you. I could go on for days about how hard it is to actually find proper fitting clothes in stores. And I'm not a stick figure so that doesn't help matters). But I digress. I've been entertaining the idea of learning what I'm doing and then being able to do some seamstress type stuff eventually. But we shall see.

My mom keeps telling me I should consider trying to do some continuing education type stuff or something along those lines so I can get a decent job when we get back to the states or..whenever. I can't say I disagree. I'd still like to pursue the photography thing but without equipment and missing a chunk of important information which my university education somehow didn't cover (lighting, business aspects, and certain aspects of on location set up)...I still need some schooling to round out my degree. I have to say, though, I was pretty pleased with a photo shoot I did for my cousins and their significant others. The pictures turned out really nicely. 

Eh, but anyway. Just some thoughts. I'm off to enjoy the rest of my afternoon.

"with your feet in the air and your head on the ground"

Goodbye, August. I won't miss you.

I've had better months, honestly. I dunno, I've felt a little crazy here lately. A lot of times my head tells my heart things that aren't true and even though I know not to listen, that it's just fears and anxiety left over from stuff in the past...it still gets to me. And I don't know how to get over this stuff. Like scars on my heart. And I knew they were there before...but they're a lot deeper than I knew.

I didn't realize these fears and worries were so bad until I started having nightmares about this stuff. And I can feel the tension in my shoulder blades, the stress it's causing me. I keep dreaming the same things that happened to me then will happen now. And it's ludicrous to even entertain such thoughts at all.
How can I know that to my core and these things still, literally, haunt me like terrible ghosts?

To have anxiety over something that happened in the past...isn't healthy, isn't beneficial, is kind of ridiculous. It already happened. There is no comparison between now and the past--my life is so vastly different than it used to be. I think the culprit is mainly the attitude I adopted for so many years-- "You can only count on yourself." and "Don't get your hopes up." Those were the mottos I fed myself in order to protect my heart because people continually let me down in such big ways...And the fact that they are irrelevant now...that I can't have a guard up...I think I don't know how to really operate without thick walls surrounding me. But I don't need them anymore. I'm being taken care of, I am loved, and everyone who plays an active role in my life now won't let me down. And for my own sake as well as those close to me that love me...I seriously need to get over these things. Way past time to let them go and live more fully and happily as a product.

The birthday has come and gone. I'm 4 days into my 24th year on the planet. It was pretty good. I got some awesome presents from my sister, mom and dad, Terry and Kathy, and Noah surprised me with some beautiful flowers and a sweet note. Among those presents were a kindle! The holga camera I wanted! A cute and awesomely warm snowboard jacket (nooo I don't snowboard--but I needed a new coat that'll stand up to winter and snow)! And some amazing smelling sugar scrub!

I can't wait to start putting the holga to good use. I'm already dreaming up pictures I can take. I'm waiting on the 35mm film adapter that I ordered to get here so I can use regular film as well as 120. And stupid me, leaving my photo enlarger up in boone...I could easily develop my own 120 prints if I had that thing. I'm going to see if I can get in touch with the guys who live in the house now and hope against hope that they didn't throw it away. If not I'm going straight up there and getting it tomorrow if possible. But we'll see.
I knew I'd need that thing. Oh well, it wasn't that expensive if it's gone. My fault for leaving it in the first place. BUT hopefully those dudes are lazy and haven't cleaned out the shed. hopefully.

I'm on my 3rd try for the painting....I've been kind of trying to work off another painting as inspiration and it's just not working. I don't think it works to try to do what someone else does. It always turns out better when I do what I know. Not saying you shouldn't break out of your own box sometimes but I guess you should trust in your own abilities and style more than trying to acheive someone else's.

Ten Things Tuesday Birthday Edition

Brianne always has awesome "Ten Things Tuesdays" and she did one based on things she'd love to have since her birthday was last Friday. Well, mine's this Thursday so I figured I'd give it a whirl:

1. Diana F+ Camera Kit I've been drooling over this little beauty since the day I saw it on lomography.com. Takes such awesome photos. One day...I will have it. Definitely top o' my list.
2. Holga Color Flash Camera Love this camera too! I'll probably get this before an F+ kit. Want to venture into the world of Lomography. It's wayyy cheaper than the F+ kit but still wayyy awesome :

3. Noah and I are thinking this might be the kind of dog we want--Pembroke Welsh Corgi. That silly little grin, those big ears, and short legs!!! I love these little guys!

4. I am obsessed with tea lately. Adorable set:

5. Love this locket. Actually I love all their lockets, pretty much:

6. (no pic for this one) Home Built Screenprint Exposure Unit eventually I want to build one of these.

7. RAW Twisted Teal Hair Dye Such a great color! :) A streak or two would be cute, I think. 8. Sorry mom!...I think this (or some variation) would make an awesome tattoo:

9. Alice postcard set by The Black Apple:

10. Last but most definitely not least-- I wish this one would show up on my doorstep. :) Ah, wishful thinking indeed but I'd give anything to kiss his face and celebrate my birthday with him. (Heh, I don't know what it is about this picture, other than it's of Noah, but it's one of my favorites):

Dream a little dream

I dreamt the waters of a huge river swelled with rain and it's current crashed over the banks and onto the land.
All my things were packed to leave but I stood there watching instead and the water rose up to the windows and seeped inside and all I had was ruined and swept away.
I seemed oddly unbothered by it, a slight hint of remorse that my things were lost and I kept watching the river rise and take over the land.

And the dream dictionary says:
"If the flood is raging then it represents emotional issues and tensions. Your repressed emotions are overwhelming you....another interpretation could be your desire to wipe everything clean and make a fresh new start."

My dreams are always bizzarre and vivid...yet they always seem to make perfect sense in the context of what's going on in my life when I break them down. They really do help me to understand things when I can't always pin down what's bothering me.
Water is the most recurrent theme in my dreams. Usually the ocean. And no matter what happens to me concerning the water (it can be something terrible--I once got sucked out to sea in an undertow in a dream) I always feel calm in the situation. And I always see myself in whatever I'm doing in those dreams--aerial view, an audience to my own involvement.

DIY Kick

So as the title states--I'm on a DIY kick. It's the getting ready to move thing, that's really causing it, I think. Since I'm going to be moving into army housing I'm already thinking about what I can do to liven up the space since I can't paint the walls or really change anything at all.

But that's okay because I spent five years learning how to be more creative, right? Right.
And I did kind of learn how to create art/do what I wanted to do within parameters set by my professors, etc etc (I won't bore you with art talk and lingo) so this is actually, oddly enough, right up my ally.

So I've been thinking about things I can do to the walls but not really do to the walls. And I've found some really cool ideas that I want to try very soon. Among them:This project found on Bon Temps Beignet made from toilet paper/paper towel rolls. Yes. I want to try this myself asap! You should definitely check out her blog--so many awesome craft ideas.

And I got some burlap from the feed mill in town and I intend to stretch them over some old picture frames (because I couldn't find enough canvas stretcher bars at AC Moore...) and do some transfers using some of the FABULOUS graphics I've been finding on this blog: The Graphics Fairy. She has tons of free vintage clip art/graphics.

If the burlap stuff turns out good I think I'm going to make a tutorial to post.

AND I went to the library and got Martha Stewart's encyclopedia of Crafts. Yes. I didn't know this book existed. I hate Martha Stewart's attitude and the fact that she gets paid tons to sit around and think up cute ideas....but hey, you can't deny the lady's awesome ideas. Looks like there's a lot of stuff in it I want to try as well!

So as soon as I get a little more of the wedding plans knocked out I'm going to start doing some of this stuff. Can't wait to get started and hopefully I'll come up with some good stuff.

I miss Noah.
You'd think I'd be a little used to him not being around...but no. I can't describe the feeling of having the person you love being more than a thousand miles away. Living that far away. And you can't be there, even though both of you want to be in the same place.

I'm pretty sure only people who've experienced it before know how it feels.
And it sucks.
It's not like we can drive to each other, ever. There's skype and the phone but it doesn't work out that we get to talk every day and...it helps but it's not the same of course.
I dread the day he gets deployed again. It was bad enough when we were just talking and then dating but I don't even want to think about having to deal with that as husband and wife. I think I'm hoping it will magically be over by the time his next deployment rolls around. I mean, don't we all, but...you know.

It's a little comforting that I get to go in September to see him. But it's still not enough. I want to be there--for good. And I mean, I know--we had to do things this way or wait a long time to get married/for me to actually get to come over there. But may I reiterate how much it sucks that I can't be with my husband?

Yes I know, sob story. It could be worse.
But that doesn't change the fact that there's no way I could miss him more and yet every day--I do.
Hurry up September. And December. And February. All the months in between don't mean a thing to me.

Artist Envy

Etsy makes me wish that I had more artistic talent than I have. Or..different artistic talent than I have, I guess I should say.
I keep seeing all these awesome prints from drawings people have done...some are just awesome doodles. Or I just stumbled on these amazing embroidered pieces and I think--dang, why didn't I come up with these ideas!?
First off--I'm not a drawer. I never have been...I doubt I ever will be. That's not to say I can't draw...if I try very, very hard. But it's not something that just comes naturally to me. I have to look at something, I can never just draw straight from my head. And oddly, people are more my forte than cutesy little doodles, etc. And while I know a lot of people are like that, ideas just don't usually come to me out of space to draw down. I see something and I'm like "oh that's cute, I should try drawing something like that myself." "All art is copied" was a phrase I became to know well in school...as well as "There are no new ideas". So I guess I shouldn't feel terrible for seeing other art that inspires me to draw something similar or in my own style. But still.
It feels a little like cheating.

I guess as I'm not a drawer and I don't consider myself to be one...it doesn't really matter. My photography and books are a different story. Then again they're a different ballgame. I know I get inspiration for photography from things I see...and sometimes steal ideas from other pictures...but I can come up with plenty of ideas on my own for my photos. That stuff just comes to me out of the blue and I genuinely get it.

Eh, I guess it's a "grass is greener on the other side" scenario. I'm good at the things I do. And you can't have it all. ...unless you're Matt Lawson. lol. And if you ever read this, Matt--yeah I'm super jealous of your crazy photo, graphic design, print and drawing/all across the board talent. You make the rest of us look bad. ;)

Good to be home.

It really is nice to be back home. Adjustment living with the parents again but...I'm enjoying it.
I've been getting up at 5:15 every other morning to go run (otherwise it's wayyyy to hot outside to even attempt it). I kinda like that too--getting up before most everyone is awake and watching the sun come up. I'm getting better at running! Well..able to run longer, anyway. Not faster yet. But I'll take what I can get.
Speaking of which I joined the YMCA today so I'm kind of excited to get into a gym. I'd thought I might replace the running with that so I wouldn't have to wake up so terribly early...but I like the running so I might keep doing it and do strength stuff on my off-running days.

Finally back to working on some books too. It's kind of heaven to just sit down and work on them. I've also decided (just a few minutes ago) to start a painting sometime soon. Have no idea what it's going to be or look like, just gonna dive in and see where it goes. Also been cooking a bit. And it's nice to be able to cook something other than rice and beans, beans and rice, rice and rice...you know. Mom and I basically have it worked out that she will buy the foodstuffs if I cook them so she doesn't have to. And I'm down with that.

OH and I found my wedding dress the other day :D!!! It's perfect. I never thought I'd love a dress...but...I love this one. Hah, I told Noah the other day I'm a little sad that I only get to wear it once. And if he ever comes home and I'm wearing it--he shouldn't be alarmed. ;)

Wedding Stuff, Wedding Stuff, Wedding Stuff!

My mind has been pretty much on one track since we got engaged! Five months is a short, short time to plan a wedding. But I guess if anyone was going to plan one in a short amount of time--it should be me. Hah, pretty proud of how much I've accomplished in a couple of weeks. I think we're pretty much all caught up as far as stuff we can do right now. Got most of my bridesmaids taken care of yesterday and today the last one will be fitted and I'm trying on dresses! :D

Think I'm hitting up the beach for a few days this upcoming weekend with some old friends and that should be fantastic! I could use a minute to breath, for sure. Been wanting to go to the beach for a while now anyway, so I hope that pans out.

I'm also looking forward to the things I want to make for the wedding! There are a couple decorations for the reception that can be made rather than bought and...you know me...of course I'm excited about that! Gonna get together with the bridesmaids one night and just kind of chill and make some of them and then I'm also thinking of making my own guestbook (mainly because I can't find one I like). I kind of want one that has the guest book in the front for everyone to sign and then album pages for the wedding pictures in the back so it's all together as one. Might work on one or two and see what I can come up with!

SO MUCH NEWS!

Ohhhhh where to start?

Our trip to the UK was absolutely amazing!!! We saw so much and got so many pictures--definitely the best trip I've ever been on.

We saw London the first few days we were there. Stayed in an AMAZING hotel--the Mariott at Grosvenor's Square. Saw Kings of Leon at Hyde park with our friends Ollie and Sarah (who live in Scotland) that first day. We had a day of 7 straight hours of sight seeing, haha. It was great though. The two of us walked all over London and saw all the things we set out to see: Tower of London, The Eye, Buckingham Palace, Big Ben and the houses of parliament, The Globe Theatre, Tate Britain and so much more.

We took a train down south to Cornwall for a couple of days to see The Eden Project and go to the beach. Unfortunately the beach didn't work out becuase it was freezing down there, but having a day to just chill out was probably a good thing. The Eden Project was cool, I'm a nerd and really like seeing all different kinds of plants. The flowers they had were beautiful and then the rainforest and mediterranean biomes had plants native to those regions--lots of food that I didn't know grew in those places/had never seen how it grows.
We headed back up to London after that and caught a show at the Globe Theatre and saw Mumford and Sons at Hyde Park!!! I think the play at the Globe was actually my favorite thing we did. It was awesome to just sit on the same spot where they held plays in the 1600's. The play we saw was Dr. Faustus and it was awesome. Great music, great actors, and a great story.
Mumford and Sons the next day were so good live! I'm definitely anticipating their next album. They played a bunch of songs from it and they were all killer. Headed up to Shrewsbury next to stay with another friend, James. It was such a nice town. Beautiful buildings and plenty of stuff to do--plus I found a paper store ;) So I was in heaven. We stayed with his family and they were such wonderful hosts. We also had a lot of fun at a community beer festival. Lots of good ales and a cookout and music. Definitely a good time.

Then it was on to Scotland! :) We got into Edinburgh and found a hotel and then headed up to Edinburgh Castle with Ollie and Sarah. Ollie actually lives in the castle, hah--no joke (military). So he showed us his room and the view from there is amazing, looks out over the whole city pretty much. We went with Ollie and Sarah to "Taste of Edinburgh" --this food festival, basically where all the top restraunts in Edinburgh have booths set up to try their food. Delicious! And we found some awesome cider there...which is my favorite. Food and cider...what more could I ask for, right? ;) Later that night we met up with them again and went to a cool little bar called Ghillie Dhu. It's a Scottish themed bar but not cheesy and it was a lot of fun. Definitely good for Noah and Ollie to get to catch up and it was fun to hear all their stories from their time in Afghanistan together.

So then the next day in Edinburgh was the best day of the entire trip! :D We got up early and went to the Castle again to look around some more. We saw St. Giles Cathedral which was beautiful. Went up to Calton Hill where there's an old observatory and memorial shaped like the parthenon. And from there we decided to hike up Arthur's Seat.

So we got some food and put it in the pack and headed towards the mountain for a hike and a picnic. On the way up I was kind of grumpy because I was getting all hot and sweaty and it was a pretty steep hike, lol. So I was grumbling and Noah said "What if I had a surprise for you at the top?" To which I replied "Whatever" thinking he was just trying to get me to keep going but...little did I know there was indeed a surprise! :D
We got up to the top and my grumpiness went away when I saw the SPECTACULAR view! The entire city of Edinburgh spread out and then beautiful hills behind us. We sat down and ate lunch at that beautiful spot and when we were done, I was turned around looking at the view and a little blue box appeared over my shoulder and Noah said "You know how I said I had a surprise for you?" I figured it was just some kind of jewelry (something like the necklace he'd given me at Christmas, maybe) but no! I opened the blue box to find a ring box and Noah said "Open it!" and I did and there was the most beautiful diamond ring I've ever seen!!! Absolutely perfect. And he asked me if I'd marry him! And I couldn't do anythng but nod my head becuase I was smiling so big and finally was able to get out a "YES!" :)

The whole thing was so, so perfect.

We went back to the hotel to rest and talk about all kinds of stuff that he's been thinking about since he started planning the engagement! and then got some dinner and ended the night with a really fun ghost tour on and under the Royal Mile Rd.

We flew back to London the next day and then back to the U.S. early the next morning.
So yes, a perfect trip!
But that's not all of the news!!!

We decided to have a wedding ceremony in December when he's home on leave next and to go head and get married at the courthouse so I can get into the army system and be able to go with him when he reenlists and moves to a different duty station. So both sets of our parents went with us on the 8th and we got married!!! I am officially Mrs. Leah Lindquist now!!! We weren't going to announce it until the wedding ceremony but...we're just too excited not to! :)

It's hard to believe! Life is changing so quickly and so amazingly. I never thought I'd find my match, but he was right under my nose all along--for eleven years. We're so happy to be married and can't wait to really start our lives together. He'll have to leave on Wednesday and go back to Germany but I'll be going over there a couple of times before the wedding to visit and then we'll only have about a month after the wedding that we'll be apart. And then to Germany!!! I'm moving to GERMANY!!!

If I ever thought my life was boring--my how I was mistaken.

It's been kind of a whirl wind but it's good :) Really really good.

JUNE! :D

JUNE IS FINALLY HERE!!! I finished up my last week at Cheap Joe's on Friday and am pretty happy about that. I'm gonna miss Billy and David and a couple other people there but...overall it's a good thing for me. I've been moving stuff back home every trip I make down here and although I still have a ton of stuff up in Boone all my books and most of my art stuff are back at mom and dad's and that's really the bulk of my possessions, hah. Minus clothes, posters and furniture.But I can't move that stuff by myself, exactly.

Noah gets home in TWO (count 'em--1. 2.) DAYS!!! We talked on skype instead of the phone or facebook chat for the first time in a while last night and I realized how much I miss his face. And him in general, of course.

I can't wait to spend a whole month with him. AND get to do some traveling!!! :) I packed my suitcase earlier this week--everything I needed for the trip/to take home and...it's pretty ridiculous, haha. Probably should work on that.

There's a pup that's been hanging around mom and dad's house for a couple of weeks now. She comes and goes but I think she's mostly been staying the last couple of days. I could tell dad wants to keep her too, so I made the jump and said "Hey, I'm gonna give her a bath and get her some dog food and a flea collar". Mom's probably not too happy about it but...she's a sweet little thing and really well behaved. We called the radio station and have been looking around for "lost" ads but nothing--someone else had called the station about her too but no one's called to get her :(. She's also gonna have or has just had puppies. I think she's already had them but...I can't tell for sure. She looks smaller than the last time I saw her. Guess we'll know soon enough if she is still carrying them. (Anybody know how you can tell for sure?) So for now--she's staying with us and I'm calling her Tess. Think she's taken a liking to me though (..it's because I'm a Dog Whisperer, haha...I watch the show enough to be one, anyway). So I kinda hope she does stick around.

I have also found the most awesome color of fingernail polish ever (Sally Hansen--Mint Sorbet). I've gotten a ton of compliments on it, which I don't recall ever happening with any other nail polish I've worn:

I'm babysitting my sister's kids for a while today so I think it's about time we got outside :). Although, before I leave -- I think Miley's got herself a little crush on my man, lol. Every time I'm on facebook and she's in the room she says "I want to see a picture of Noah". It's just funny considering she was basically terrified of him the first time she met him (she's a shy little thing). Pretttty cute, I'm glad she approves ;). And now--onto the great outdoors and some frisbee with the nephew and niece!

May, you are a-flyin' by. And I couldn't be more happy about that, honestly.
Now it's less than a month til I no longer work at Cheap Joe's and my army man comes HOME! for a bit :)!

I'm so excited for both of those things. I'm still pretty excited to be moving back home around the middle of July, also. A change of pace is going to be extremely refreshing. Going back home probably doesn't sound that appealing to many people and granted, living with my parents again after spending most of my time in Boone for 5 years is going to take some getting used to--but I think it'll be good for me. I'm looking forward to finding a decent paying job (somewhere, anywhere) and saving up some money--being poor sucks. And hanging out with my parents, and sisters (and their families). Just being somewhere I'm comfortable until I can get on my feet and figure out where I need to be heading sounds pretty amazing to me.

Feel like good things are definitely on the horizon.

I'm working on a 365 day photo project! Nothing extremely fancy but I'm already learning a lot and have been having fun with it: http://www.themusingnerve-cameraeyes.blogspot.com

I definitely live for my days off of work. It's been a pretty great day--a short run this morning, needlessly taking my cable box in to Charter only to find out that my bill doesn't go up til august when i'll be moving anyway, taking some photos of bees and peeling paint, and cleaning up the studio. And I'm about to start working on some books.

Tomorrow I start running for real--a 13 week training progam that will turn me into a decent runner. hmm so we'll see how that goes. Hopefully it'll do the trick.

Ideas

It's nice to have my brain thinking about art again, and being excited about it. I was wondering if I'd ever be stoked about art again.

One Day by Matisyahu

Sometimes I lay under the moon and thank God I'm breathing then I pray don't take me soon cause I am here for a reason sometimes in my tears I drown but I never let it get me down so when negativity surrounds I know some day it'll all turn around because all my life I've been waiting for I've been praying for for the people to say that we don't wanna fight no more they'll be no more wars and our children will play one day it's not about win or lose cause we all lose when they feed on the souls of the innocent blood drenched pavement keep on moving though the waters stay raging in this maze you can lose your way (your way) it might drive you crazy but don't let it faze you no way (no way) sometimes in my tears I drown but I never let it get me down so when negativity surrounds I know some day it'll all turn around because all my life I've been waiting for I've been praying for for the people to say that we don't wanna fight no more they'll be no more wars and our children will play one day one day this all will change treat people the same stop with the violence down with the hate one day we'll all be free and proud to be under the same sun singing songs of freedom like one day all my life I've been waiting for I've been praying for for the people to say that we don't wanna fight no more they'll be no more wars and our children will play one day

Road To....?

"Can you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?"

"That depends a good deal on where you want to get to," said the Cat.

"I don't much care where--" said Alice.

"Then it doesn't matter which way you go," said the Cat.

"--So long as I get somewhere," Alice added as an explanation.

"Oh, you're sure to do that," said the Cat, "If only you walk long enough."

Alice felt that this could not be denied.

Wise Cat. That's always been my favorite part of Alice in Wonderland, where the Cat gives her such matter of fact advice.

Sometimes I feel like I'm on this road to nowhere. Stuck in the middle of nothing and nothing.

I floundered around in art school for 5 years thinking there was nothing else I was good at, nothing else I'd rather be doing really. I worked my ass off for a degree in photography and printmaking, both things that I absolutely love, but also not things that I can make a career out of (easily at least). I never went into art school with the intention of being a famous artist. I just wanted to learn how to harness my creativity and expand my knowledge of different processes (which was honestly zilch when I started...I definitely started from scratch coming from a tiny school system like ours).

My mom asks me a lot what I thought I would do with an art degree, what my intentions were upon entering college. "I don't know." Is always my answer. How are you supposed to know at 18 what you want to do with the rest of your life? ...How do you know at age 23?

I will never suggest to anyone that they go to college right after high school. Nor will I ever suggest to anyone that they go to a University over a community college or trade school. University is fine I guess...but it doesn't seem to have done me a whole lot of good. It developed my character, I guess but...I figure I would've got here either way.

And I know, I know--things work out the way they do for a reason (I honestly believe that. I've seen it happen too many times not to believe it). But it's never easy, when the future is foggy, to sit back and say that it'll all work out peachy keen. It's like driving on some mountain road in fog at night without any lines painted on it and no other cars--there are most definitely rocks ahead...you just don't know when you might hit them or how close you'll come to hitting them until you're right up on them. By then, it's probably too late. And a deer is probably going to leap out in front of you at some point also. Guess the only option is to keep your eyes peeled and go slow, right? So you go over the rocks easy and you hopefully stop before you hit the deer.

I want to get into the photography business. I think taking photos of people, for people--to document a time in their lives or their just being on the planet in general...that's pretty respectable. And I'm good at it. And I know how to do it. And I like it.

It's just the getting there. And the "where do i start!?"

I feel that I must be brave about this. Take a deep breath and dive in. It'll happen when I'm ready for it to, I know that...I've never been the type to jump off the high dive without freaking out first. Or...any diving board in general, really. I'll climb up, look down at the water. Stick my toe in to see how cold it is. Probably step back and almost start running, stopping short of the edge. Backing up, hands on rails. Deep breath. ...Another deep breath...And then when I'm as ready as I'll ever be-- take a running leap in.

I guess I'll just have to wait it out. It might be easier to jump in if I didn't have a two week trip planned for the summer/a month that I really want to spend with my boyfriend (things'd be a little different if he wasn't an ocean and some countries away from me. But that time is important and I'm not going to let anything, stand in the way of that). It seems kind of silly to start a new job before that--I don't see it going over very well when I tell them I need two weeks off when I only started a few months before. And like I said, I have it worked out now to where I can spend that time with Noah...and I definitely like that idea. Time is time...it's not like I don't have a job right now...I do. It's not a great job but it's not horrible and it pays the bills. Barely--but it pays them. Things could be worse.

And things will work out. Just have to be patient and let it all fall how it will. No sense in fighting it or worrying it to death.

Hello Spring! I missed you, so!

So this morning I woke up at 4:30 AM...not on purpose. I ended up going up to the parkway and going for a short run around 8. It was nice--nobody out up there, just me and the woods and the ground under my feet.
I'm not a good runner. It's not my legs, it's my lungs that give me trouble. Gotten better since I started riding the bike but I've still got a lot of work to do before I even consider myself a runner at all.
Think I'm going to start running before I go into work in the mornings, the days I go in at 11 anyway. Just up and down my road a few times. Hopefully I can make that happen. I hate waking up earlier than normal but...oh well. It'll be worth it.
My arm workouts are starting to pay off, I think. Seem to be getting a little more toned. Slowly but surely. I never thought I'd ever like arm workouts...but I've gotten to the point where I look forward to coming home and having that time. Same with the bike...and I guess if I keep at it running will take on that same appeal.
At any rate spring is making me feel better in general I think. I was way over winter and spring is my favorite.

Bread!

Had myself a baking day! And combined with the Harry Potter marathon that was on TV all day--I was a pretty happy camper. Honey wheat sandwich bread and cinnamon raisin bagel recipes found here: http://www.budgetbytes.blogspot.com (my favorite recipe site)! It was my first attempt at making bread and my second at bagels. Both turned out good. The picture is my second loaf of bread--the first turned out okay but the crust had to be taken off because the oven in this house is ridiculous and I forgot to turn it down 50 degrees from what the recipe said (yeah--ridiculous). Anyway, if you find yourself with a day you don't have any plans and you like to cook I suggest trying these recipes. There's something pretty relaxing about baking, whatever it is. ...Maybe the fact that you get to eat it afterwards, hah.

Soul and Hands

My soul is a very restless thing. I'm always searching, wondering, analyzing; it pulls me in different directions at once all the time. Or just wants me to GO and DO in general without any idea of what it really wants to do or where to go.
It finds rest when my hands are creating something. To hold something in my hands and create a whole new thing out of something else...that makes me happy, that settles me down when my mind races or my heart pulls in some direction I can't go in at the moment.
Last night I sat down with a ball of yarn and a crochet hook and retaught myself how to crochet. A simple act, and nothing special about it; everything else just kind of took a back seat. I turned on some music and started working on a hat (you know, my need to make mostly functional things). I've realized all this before of course but the reitteration of it is always kind of refreshing to me. Even after a being this way since I was a kid, I can forget what it means to me to create things and then rediscover the meaning in it when I just let it happen naturally.

I can't deny my hands or my soul their very nature -- I'm a builder, a worker, a creator of things.

On another note completely--I found a place that has good, old fashioned basement shows pretty much every weekend here in Boone. FINALLY -- only took me 5 years. Checking it out this friday for a sweet sounding tape release party. Excited!

"My heart is anywhere but here..."

That road stretched out longer than it ever has before. I looked at it, curling on up the mountain and I just dreaded the rest of the trip back up.
My time here is done. My heart is elsewhere--if we're going to get specific, it's with Noah in Afghanistan--my head is elsewhere. Not even the mountains can whisper to me now and convince me to stay any longer than necessary.
My heart certainly isn't in Taylorsville but my body and mind feel more at ease there. It's a little easier being surrounded by family and the familiar when you're trying to make big changes (in this case beginning my photography career...and whatever other job I can find to support the beginnings of said career). So I'm honestly looking forward to going back. I don't plan on staying there forever...but until I figure out where I'm going and what I'm doing it's just the best thing for me to do.
So I guess my logic is--if I can't be where my heart is at the moment--then I at least want to be where my spirit feels more calm. This isn't that place for me.
In fact, I'm not sure this place has ever really been that for me. Maybe for a brief time. But it was so brief that the memory escapes me as to when that may have been.
I'm ready to leave. 3 months from today and I'll be able to do that. And then Noah will be home a few days after my last day of work...and then a month with him--traveling and just being together. I can't wait. And then when he leaves to go back at least I'll be at home where it's easier to deal with the fact that he's not here and be able to busy myself with getting started into photography and getting a better paying job. Just 3 more months....until then I guess I need to find some way to keep my mind busy.

Jellyfish Waters

So as promised (for once) here are some pictures of what I'm working on:

I don't paint often but whenever I do I get pretty into it and like it a lot. This one's for a friend who's moving into a new house--I was actually supposed to get it to her when she moved into her apartment last semester but never finished. So this time I hope to get it done asap as a housewarming gift. Just need to add the smaller tentacles which will bring the piece together a lot more/make it better compositionally, I think. This is really the first time I've worked with acrylic medium (gloss gel in this case) but it looks pretty cool and actually gives it a slimy jellyfish look as well as cool texture in general. I'm using string gel for the other tentacles so that should be interesting as well.

More pictures to come as it progresses!

"The Routine and the Repetition"

Ah, art blog--why haven't I been blogging? There's a simple answer to that--I haven't been doing any art.
Not really, anyway.
A lot has been going on these first few months of 2011. I was/am busy with work, Noah came home on leave for a couple of weeks :), and then I got really sick and am just now kind of back on my feet completely.
But it's not just that stuff--I feel like I've got no inspiration or motivation to do art at the moment. I get home from work and all I really want to do is crash or hang out with friends and my roommates. One of my old professors came in the store and was asking me what was new and of course I had nothing to report but "work and more work, really." He suggested I "just let the transition happen" (from school world to real world). It's been almost a year since graduation--I guess I've been trying to push myself to do art because somehow 5 years of art school left me in this "What do I do in my spare time NOW?!" freak-out-mode.
So I think it's time to chill. I'm taking down the Etsy store for a while and getting away from meticulous processes in art. Photography needs to come back into my life...and maybe just some good sketchbooking--nothing fancy. Just stuff that kind of flows and is easy for me. I keep thinking maybe if I make it fun again the inspiration and motivation will come. Plus, I'd been making books just to sell and something about making art "for sale" just takes something out of it for me. In the future I think I'll be making art first and selling it as an after thought.
Guess we'll see, huh?
At any rate, my goal is to post some pictures by Sunday of the painting I resumed (from a year or so ago) and a couple drawings I've done recently in my sketchbook.
Oh, and I'm considering making this blog a little more personal all around. Not just for art purposes anymore.

Snowy Wasteland

Well, it's that time of year--Boone has pretty much turned into a snowy wasteland. Regardless of the snow and ice--the store's been open so I've not had many snow days to catch up on art or anything else, really.
The holidays kinda came and went in a blur and being at home for a week kind of made me lazy. So I'm mustering up some art motivation and gonna dive back into the books soon, I hope.
Got my first book order of the year on my Etsy shop the other day, shipping that out on Monday. I'm pretty excited about it actually. I modified the perfect binding style I usually do. Typically the covers are glued on top of the spine (the way I do it), but this time the covers got wrapped with the spine. So it's a little more streamlined. I like the look of it and think I might start making my books this way.

In other news: my computer's hard drive crashed last night. I knew it was coming, I've been saying for months that I needed to back it up but did I take my own advice? Of course not. SO now I've gotta get a new computer because I depend pretty heavily on photoshop for my books and...the internet for my facebook and etsy addictions. You know how it is, right? ;)
This time around I'll be purchasing a terabyte external hard drive right off the bat and backing up everything. I'm also going to see if I can get my photos and documents recovered from my hard drive--here's hoping.

Anyway...once I get a new computer and all I plan on working on some new book forms/ideas. I want to dabble in recipe books/boxes and see what I can come up with. That's my next venture, I think. I'll post some stuff once I get into that for sure.